Please Shop Responsibly

I’ve been shopping all summer, but not in a ‘Here’s everything I bought this summer, and where you can too!’ kind of way.” I mean in a feast and famine kind of way, one week entering the vortex of consumption to swipe without abandon only to emerge days later in a come-down. It’s not so much an addiction (famous last words) as it is obsession: equal parts dopamine-seeking and an honest, heart-wrenching desire to fill every crevice of my life with something beautiful and considered.

I allowed myself beauty and convenience this summer. Resolute to travel less in 2024, I enjoyed afternoons in Soho — latte in hand — sale scouting, trips to the best Nordstrom Rack on 34th street, and furniture shopping justified as need. The pursuit of a curated life called to me, not selling me on the objects in hand but the fulfillment promised on the other side of a Tap to Pay.

Before summer was even over, I was ready for fall.

“Shopping responsibly” could mean buying only what you can afford. It could also mean making smart purchasing decisions, buying what you know you will use, and then using it well. What shopping responsibly is not is impulse buying.

The average American will spend $300,000 in their lifetime on impulse spending (Source), and I think about the tragedy of how our American value is equal parts productivity and lifestyle. Work. Shop. Work. Shop.

I live in New York — Brooklyn, no less— where a $2,000 dress paired with Havianas is peak summer styling, and a bag with too obvious a logo is taboo. Where a culture of condescension finds it easy to see our taste (and therefore consumption) as more evolved than the average American.

Here are 10 things I impulse-bought in August:

Roxanne Assoulin bracelet (on sale at Net-A-Porter)
Abstract art (from a local artist in Union Square – tbh regret it)
(2) shoes (from the Maquire archive sale)
Suede kitten heels 50% Off (a steal)
4” unfinished Wooden Balls (to update the hardware on my nightstands)
Vintage necklace (truly excellent, but so statement that I will likely only wear 2x)
Goodpop Ice cream sandwiches (only 7g of sugar! – from Whole Foods)
Pistachio mochi (from Whole Foods, just to have around)
Glytone Lipid Recovery cream (from my Medspa, honestly worth it)
Tocca Hair Perfume (on sale – I think I’ll use it)
Bonus: my apartment???

What started as “everything I impulse bought in August” turned into “10 things” because I earnestly couldn’t remember everything. I found myself turning categories of things over in my mind: skincare…makeup…haircare…clothes…jewelry…wellness…food. I couldn’t trust myself to put everything in a list and title it “everything”.

I admit that I too have set myself apart from the average American, earnestly believing that my drive towards beauty (vs. Consumption) has somehow made me different, justifying the very real part of me that uses shopping like alcohol.

The paradox is that even after admitting this, I still want to chase a curated life. I want the payoff of shopping without the comedown. There’s another universe in which I now write: “So go outside. Call a friend. read a book. Never shop again!” If you know me even a little, you know that I believe deeply in the small, poetic moments of quotidian life, off-screen. But this is a newsletter about shopping and the truth is that shopping is one of the things I frankly think I am best at.

Here’s what I will write: I am ready to quit justifying shopping as a life-fulfilling exercise. All of the things in life that fulfill us are free.

So this September, I’ll be on low-spend, attempting to return to baseline by emphatically using the beauty products I have and wearing the clothes I own. The purpose of this exercise isn’t to permanently radicalize myself, but to reflect on the things that genuinely feel good to look at and have, what I need, and don’t need, and try to come back in a few weeks and do this thing I love — more responsibly.